I started my first website on Weebly on January 9, 2021. It was easy and hassle-free with drag-and-drop features, but also limiting because I couldn’t make it look exactly how I wanted. Then, around October 2025, my YouTube algorithm introduced me to Neocities, and I became fascinated by the “old web.” I felt a pang of FOMO for an era I wasn’t even old enough to participate in. Like, where have you been my whole life? Why did I only discover you just now?

I tried coding back in 2021 but gave up almost immediately because divs and symbols felt overwhelming. On October 10, 2025, I created my first Neocities site and decided to give it a second try. That is when I started to appreciate coding. It can feel empowering and fun, although it can sometimes be frustrating when I make a typo, because even the slightest mistake can turn a calm web design into the wonkiest mess.

I don’t have a fixed style for this site, and I am okay with that. I have tried all pink, all white, and eventually settled on using all the colors of the rainbow while pretending I planned it this way. I am just experimenting and figuring out my taste as I go. The site is my personal playground, and I feel a sense of accomplishment every time I tend to it.

I mostly post essays and drawings here because I wanted a place to preserve my creations without the pressure of social media. I tried using Instagram, but eventually social media stopped being fun. What business does my fanart drawing have next to a photo of a hot girl and her matcha shoved at me by an algorithm? Why post when no one is going to see it? I also felt pressured to keep creating every week or risk feeling left behind. That is why I deleted my social media art account altogether and created a place on the internet to store all my creations.

I have also been inspired by sites that feel like 3D spaces where every object is clickable. My first attempt at building an index copied everything I found beautiful, and I realized it did not reflect my own taste or character. That is why I kept rebranding and experimenting, and this is the version you see now.

People will sometimes approach me asking favors I don't really want to do. But if I do them, those people will smile and thank me, and that will make me feel good. So I often end up doing these favors, feeling resentful and secretly angry the whole time, cursing myself for freely choosing to work hard on things I don't care about.



When I have to do something for money, obligation, or expectation, it drains all the joy from it. This is why I can only hyperfocus when it is voluntary, but the moment it becomes required, I feel my creativity drain away.



Sometimes I find it difficult to find value in casual leisure, like reading books or watching movies, because there is nothing to show for it. My mind measures worth by tangible outcomes, so activities done purely for enjoyment feel empty or wasted. Even when I relax, I am haunted by the sense that time should be productive, making it hard to fully enjoy the moment.



I am built to feel life intensely, even when it hurts. I have learned that to experience the beauty and vitality of life, I must also be willing to feel its emotional pain. I do not numb easily. This is both my curse and my strength. My heart beats loudly. It insists on honesty and refuses to live half alive.



I am a contradiction in motion. I want discipline yet resist structure. I chase inspiration yet procrastinate on execution. I seek meaning in everything yet most of the time feel detached from the moment.